What about the Rapture?

Mr. Preterist: “Did you know the word rapture is not in the Bible?” Mr. Futurist: “The word Bible is not in the Bible. What’s your point?” Mr. Preterist: “My point is it’s silly to suggest the Lord is going to remove the church from a tribulation that’s not going to happen.” Mr. Futurist: “Doesn’t sound silly to me. I would very much like to avoid the great tribulation.” Mr. Preterist: “Haven’t you been paying attention? The tribulation already happened. Jesus said it won’t happen again. You’re not calling the Lord a liar, are you?” Mr. Futurist: “In Matthew 24 Jesus said there would be two men in the field; one will be taken, and one will be left. Two women will be working at the mill; one will be taken, and one will be left.” Mr. Preterist: “And you think this is a rapture? What are you going to do next? Suggest we watch Left Behind?” Mr. Futurist: “Who said anything about being left behind?” Mr. Preterist: “Isn’t that what happens to unbelievers? The saints get whisked to heaven on the rapture elevator while everyone else is left behind to go through hell on earth?” Mr. Futurist: “Whoa, slow down. [...]